Trains, Towers, and Panic Attacks

Today we packed up the kids and ventured to downtown Toronto.  We took the subway…mostly because I won’t drive in the city, but also because the kids LOVE it.  It’s an adventure for them.  The TTC has a great family pass on the weekends for $10.50 where a family of 6 can go all around the city as many trips as they want for that price.  Of course we have to buy 2 for our family, but at $21.00 it’s cheaper than 9 fares, twice.

The purpose of our visit?  To go up this:


I have to say, this is not my idea of a fun trip.  I went because I told Allen, who is almost as afraid of heights as I am, that I would go up if he would.  So we did, here’s the proof:

I was ok until the kids wanted to go down a level to the glass floor.  Yes, the CN Tower, at the 1136 foot level, has a glass floor. 

The thought makes me physically ill.  I started going down, but then I saw the observation deck that was outside.  That’s when I went into full panic mode.  Not only am I afraid of the heights, I am terrified that my kids are going to fall.  I knew that they were going to want to go outside, as well as go on the glass floor, and I lost it.  I started shaking and my heart started racing.  I let them go because I don’t want my fears to compromise their fun, but I stayed upstairs.  It was embarrassing, but I just couldn’t stop myself, I was in tears.  So I went to the bathroom, composed myself and waited for the kids to return.  Allen came and kept me company because he did not want to go outside. 

The thing is…I KNOW it’s completely safe up there.  My fears are totally irrational.  I don’t think anyone has ever fallen from the CN Tower.  They have a cage outside that you can’t even slip a dime through.  I can reason things out, tell myself that everything will be ok, then the fear overtakes me.  It is difficult to say the least.

But I survived, just barely, and I really, really, really, enjoyed the trip down in the elevator, LOL!  We went out and got hot dogs from a vendor, and looked WAY UP and saw the crazy people doing Edge Walk.

We are back home safe and sound.  Having hamburgers grilled on the BBQ for dinner.  I am going to crack open a beer and watch the Olympics.

Do you have any irrational fears???  Do tell, perhaps it will make me feel better to know I am not alone!


20 responses to “Trains, Towers, and Panic Attacks

  1. Mice!!!!!! Thankfully I have a cat who kicks their asses for me whenever we have one. Then I feel sorry for it because they really are cute, but I just can’t get past my own stupidity.

  2. I can no longer go up to the very top of the tower, in that smaller elevator that goes to the tiny pod at the top. I used to be able to do it, I can’t anymore. The last time I went up, I knew was the last. I can’t explain the fear, but it was all consuming. It wasn’t fun, it was totally terrifying, I have no need to ever go up to the tippy top again. LOL and yet, I can jump on the glass floor, down in the bigger pod section without fear. I am very complicated. :O\

  3. Awww… (((hugs))) Seriously, I’m the same way with heights, etc… Good thing I wasn’t there, what a sorry pair we’d have been!! 😉 lol!

  4. Same as Linda here. I was fine everywhere in the tower. The glass floor I couldn’t do but the main parts I was fine in. Then I got to the tippy top pod, walked out and slammed back against the wall. Couldn’t do it. Hugged the wall all the way around while my friends were out there as I didn’t want to ruin their moment.

  5. The Asian Pear

    I haven’t been there in ages… Over 25 years. Sounds like you had fun! The walk is INSANE. Krystal at Give Me Back my $5 wants to do it. I keep telling her she’s crazy. Hahah.

  6. My totally irrational fear is dead fish. I know it’s crazy. I know they can’t hurt me, but I am still afraid of them. I’m not so fond of heights either 😉

  7. I have your same irrational fear. Ken & the boys went up the CN tower last year. I can’t even look at the pics of the boys on the glass floor. Even that makes me panic. We went up the olympic ski jump in Lake Placid. I was panicked in the elevator. Kids went outside to look down. I had to stand in the middle of the building and just breath.

  8. Here goes… I don’t usually blog or reply, but I thought my experience might help someone reading this… So, my big fear was going through the car wash. I know, sounds crazy, but when I was little I used to get out of the car and wait on the other side when the car was all clean. This went on for years, and when I was a young adult (not the old one I am now) I started to attempt going through the car washes. I actually made it through without too much of a panic attack. I still had to remember to breathe and all that good stuff, but I did it! A few years had passed and one day my mom started to talk about how she used to be afraid of car washes when she came to Canada because she had never been through one when she lived in England. Whaaaat? The light went on, and suddenly I realized why I felt so frightened going through those car washes. I felt her fear! Well, wouldn’t you know after finding the source, I was much more comfortable venturing through those moppy monsters. So maybe, if you can find the source of your fear, it may just alleviate some of those panic attacks.

    • Waves hi to Elaine! I am positive I am afraid because my mother was and I am sure that’s why Allen is afraid of heights too. I just don’t know how to shake it. I have heard of several people who found the source of their fear and were able to overcome. Thank for sharing your experience!!

  9. It’s Amy here. I’m not afraid of heights in the least..I would totally do the edgewalk, for instance. But I can’t get anywhere near an earwig, and unknown depths terrify me. If I can’t see the bottom in a lake, I will NOT swim any further. As much as I’d love to, I’ll never be able to scuba-dive. Dead fish don’t give me the willies, but the thought of a live fish brushing up against me while I’m swimming makes all my hairs stand on end. I would totally swim with dolphins, but they aren’t I also can hardly breathe if I have to crawl underneath a bed. *shiver* I make the kids do it for me, lol. Claustrophobia, anyone?

  10. Ok, so this is a weird one, but snot makes me vomit. I cannot handle seeing kids with snotty noses and I start to gag when I see a kids with a finger up their nose, including my own. Silly, but I totally turn sound and walk away when I see a snotty nosed kid.

  11. Yes, that’s a weird one, but they say everyone is afraid of something! Snot grosses me out too…in fact most bodily fluids make me gag.

  12. I read your post thinking oh yes the tower was to be on my list of things to do this summer with the kids and then I remembered. I too am not a fan of heights. I think I would have been in the bathroom with you. There is a small, tiny really, part of me that thinks I should try attempt the Edgewalk to face my fear. I say this while sitting safe on my couch and having not seen the tower in decades. 😉

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