I guess it’s human nature that this post is so much easier to write than the last..you have no idea how long I sat there trying to think of things I was good at..I finally had to ask the rest of my family for help! So why is it I doubt I’ll have any trouble at all thinking of things I want or lack?
1. A horse.
Since I was a little girl I have loved horses. I took riding lessons when I was 6, every Sunday morning in Guelph. My mother went Humber for Equine Studies, and worked at the track…and my mom and I actually lived on a farm for a year, when I was in grade 6. She was the groom to 10 show horses and they had acres and acres of land I could roam at will..including a barn where there were always kittens if you could find them. Can you say ‘ happier than a pig in…’? I got to go to horse shows ( including the Royal Winter Fair), there were always trees to climb, horses to pet ( and occasionally ride when no one was looking :P), dogs and cats to play with…sigh. School life was a horror show, but my home life could not have been any better. I’d love to live on a farm again..but I’d settle for a horse of my own.
I’ve never been further than Maine, Vermont, New York State, and New Hampshire in the United States. I’ve been to the east coast ( born there, actually) and as far west as Golden, British Columbia. But I’ve never left the continent, never even seen the pacific ocean. There are so many places I’d like to go..Scotland, Greece, Cape Breton, New Zealand, the Bahamas.
3. A driver’s license…and a pick-up truck.
I’ve had my 365, but no more than that. I’m a bit of a chicken when it comes to getting behind the wheel. Where once I was fiercely proud of my independance and freedom, now I just find it slightly intimidating.
4. A Post-Secondary education
We went to College Royal in Guelph on the weekend, and Judi was pointing out where she lived, where she took classes, and how much she missed the campus. I found myself almost sick with a longing to experience going to college or university..it’s something I never got to do. I would love to do it, even now.
5. A healthy body.
I have some weight to lose, but like Judi, I hate to exercise. I’d like to have the motivation and perserverance to do something like run a 5k. Preferably without dying of a heart attack during or afterwards.
6. A Career..or even a job.
Yes, I’m doing the most important job in the world, being a mom and raising 7 kids..blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t FEEL important, though the kids will probably appreciate the fact that I was here for them when they’re older, like I appreciate the fact that my mom always worked, sometimes at 2 and 3 jobs, so I wouldn’t go hungry and we’d always have a roof over our heads. But..and it’s a biggie to me..I don’t feel like I contribute to the household. I always have to ask someone for money, because I never have any of my own. I can’t even buy a birthday card for my hubby, or a cup of coffee. Sometimes it makes me feel like I’m not even a grown-up. And I have no life outside this house and the kids. I have no co-workers, no people to meet up for a beer after work, no work parties to go to, and not much to discuss about my day at the dinner table. Anyone wanna know how many loads of laundry I did, or how many poopy butts I changed? I thought not.
I hate having depression. I hate having to take medication to feel halfway normal. I hope that in another year or so, I’ll be able to get off of it, and say goodbye to my depression for good.